Investigation against school associate

One week ago, I got a note sent home from my son's school informing me that he called a teacher an "Old, Ugly Bitch." Do not worry, that vocabulary was learned prior to him moving into our home but it is however something that we have been battling for well over a year. When speaking with my son about the inappropriate verbiage he explained to me that the teacher would not let him play. He did not fully comprehend what happened but all that he got out of the incident was the teacher was being mean and preventing him from enjoying the slides. Two days after I got the note sent home, I got a call from the school administrator informing me that an incident occurred that was being investigated. She said that 3 parents witnessed and reported a teacher grabbing and screaming at my son. I went up to his school and had a discussion with his classroom teacher to get all of the details. She said that the person who was involved in the incident was an associate, not an actual teacher. She also explained that they had previous problems with this particular associate so she is quite regularly watched closely. Absurd. Internally I wanted to lose it... someone who is unable to handle a child with behavior problems should NOT be working with preschoolers!!! My son's teacher advised me that she witnessed the associate pinning my child against a gate and was screaming at him. So she pulled my son away from the associate and got him redirected. She also informed me that she watched a video with the associate and explained to her what she did wrong. Then she said I would be contacted when they knew more.... Well today, I got a call asking if me and my son could come into the office for an interview for the investigation. My son does not like to approach feelings so when the investigator asked him questions he avoided them. I attempted to prod questions from him but again he held back. He probably doesn't even remember the incident to be honest. He is very smart and has an amazing memory but quite frankly, he does not have the cognitive ability to talk about memories. Low and behold, the investigator informed me that not only was my child held against his will next to the fence, he was also grabbed and dragged out of a slide. Then pinned against the fence and screamed at. NO FREAKING WONDER my child has some behavioral issues!!! If this is how things are going at that school then this absolutely explains everything! I am so pissed. I was not angry...when I knew that there was a chance this teacher would be punished...however this afternoon the investigator called me back to inform me the case was unfounded so she is not getting child abuse charges....simply because I FOUND NO MARKS! What about the trauma he may have experienced? My kid has been through enough and school NEEDS to be a safe place for him!!

So far, today is better then yesterday.

It's a new day. Tomorrow is always a new chance to make yesterday better. Today, so far I have not received any calls from the school so this is promising. Perhaps he will make it for the entire day this time? He has been kicked out of school 3 times in the last week for non compliant, disorderly, and disruptive behavior. He has been swearing at teachers, hitting kids, climbing on shelves, running out of the building in an attempt to get a teacher to chase him...along with a laundry list of other things he has been doing. I wish this little guy knew that he really no longer needs to test people. We are here to stay. My hope is that he will eventually have that aha! moment and catch on that we will not be abandoning him. This mommy, will not leave him. Only time will tell if he will ever grow out of this, but my hopes and prayers are that he will eventually be able to live a normal life without the need of extra classes or therapies. :(

1st Post. Adoption was my 2nd choice.

Adoption was not my first choice. If I am being brutally honest, had I been given the opportunity to carry more than just one child to full term I would have chosen that route. I would be lying if I said that I did not have dreams of carrying my husband's child, experiencing all 9 grueling months and then the labor and delivery. That was not in our stars however, and adoption was. Who knew? I thought pursuing the adoption was the single most heart wrenching thing I had endured, however...I was wrong. It took us 927 days after meeting our little boy to finally get the opportunity to become his parents. 927 days of waiting, visits, promises, prayers, heart break, devastation, restoration, court, attorneys, appeals, etc. It was the longest 927 days of my life, by far. Relationships were broken, hearts were shattered, and lives were turned upside down...but in the end, we were given the life long duty of raising a 4 year old little boy. Leading up to the adoption, his behavior was noticeable troublesome. We truly attempted to convince ourselves that once the adoption was final, things would settle down and he would eventually become, "normal." We were wrong, so wrong, for thinking that. We led ourselves to believe that this life, was not our normal. I had high expectations for what should have been or what could be. I wanted my adopted son to have the same wonderful life experiences that my biological son had. Because, after all, they are both boys and surely what fit one would fit the other right? Wrong. My biological son has proven to be the delight of my heart for over 18 years now. He has a sense of humor that can light up a room regardless of the situation and has never in his lifetime treated me with disrespect. Especially not intentionally. Raising him, made me want to have more kids. That is a fact. He was a perfect child (in my eyes of course) and I really am truly blessed to have such a fantastic kid in him. With that being said, my adopted son tries daily to remind me how unimportant I am and how invaluable I am to his life. He swears at me daily, is physically aggressive, verbally abusive, argumentative, whiny, and non-compliant. Prior to the adoption all of these behaviors were present both at home and at school however they behaviors really wrapped around some activities that were taking place in his life so we assumed it was due to the activity. Again, our assumption was inaccurate to what was really going on. Here I am, two months post adoption and starting to fall deeper and deeper into a sadness that I am not sure is curable. Not this time. My most treasured job in this life is to be a mommy, and with my adopted son, I feel like I m failing. My kids are my job, my nieces and nephews are also my pride and joy. The adoption finalized his placement into our family however it does not eliminate his lack of respect for me just because he is now a permanent part of our family. I love this little boy with all of my heart and it really and truly makes my heart and soul ache with sadness knowing how very little he cares.